The way to resolve conflicts is for each person to be self-reflective and personally responsible for their role in breaking down the relationship. In the simplest case, reflection is about consciously looking at what you are going through in order to learn about yourself so that you can act better. Here are some suggestions on how to do it. When you say, “You made me so angry when you didn`t do your fair share,” you`re using a “common sense theory of emotions,” which means that your “anger neurons” and body states are directly and solely triggered by what your spouse has done. This idea justifies the way you behave towards your spouse, i.e. You can “rightly” criticize, shout, avoid, retaliate, etc. Your ability to read another person accurately depends on your own emotional awareness. The more aware you are of your own emotions, the easier it will be for you to capture the wordless cues that reveal how others feel. Think about what you`re passing on to others during a conflict and whether what you`re saying matches your body language. When you say, “I`m fine,” but grit your teeth and look away, your body is a clear signal that you`re anything but “okay.” A calm tone of voice, a soothing touch, or an interested facial expression can go a long way in relaxing a tense exchange. Focus on the present.
If you cling to resentment based on past conflicts, your ability to see the reality of the current situation will be compromised. Instead of looking back and assigning blame, focus on what you can do here and now to solve the problem. While tough tactics can overwhelm the adversary, they often exacerbate conflicts. Morton German and Robert Krauss (1960) demonstrated through trucking game experiments that the ability to threaten others exacerbates conflict. They also showed that establishing a communication link does not always help to resolve the dispute.  When one party threatens the other, the threatened party fares better if it cannot respond with a counter-threat.   Equally powerful adversaries, however, learn to avoid the use of power when the fear of retaliation is great.  The factual argument is interesting. The two colleagues may have been in the same place, but everyone remembers it differently. Both think that if they could only convince you and your colleague of their views on the facts, the conflict would be over. The problem is that even if you had been there, trying to convince others of your point of view is counterproductive, because without new credible information, they are unlikely to change their minds about what happened. The best approach to closing this trap is to agree, disagree and move on.
The crucial thing about a disagreement is that you and your partner talk to each other. And because you talk to each other, you can negotiate a solution to the disagreement. You can search for a win-win result. Most importantly, after the disagreement, you always talk to each other. Conflicts trigger strong emotions and can lead to hurt feelings, disappointment and discomfort. When handled in an unhealthy way, it can cause irreparable cracks, resentment and ruptures. But when conflicts are resolved in a healthy way, it increases your understanding of the other person, builds trust, and strengthens your relationships. You don`t have to take the conflict personally! Objectify the conflict instead of customizing it.
In other words, don`t make the conflict about yourself or the other person, but about the problem in question. If your conflict is about how to drive to work and you all think your path is better, don`t take the conflict personally assuming the other person thinks you`re stupid just because they don`t agree with your point of view. Also, don`t assume he`s stupid just because he doesn`t share your opinion. Limit your discussion to the path you should take to get to work. Let`s say you`re already involved in a conflict and how you handle your conflict determines your future position and chances of conflict. Positively increase the other person`s willingness to resolve your conflict. You can do this by saying something like “I really appreciate that you took the time to reach a compromise with me” or “Thank you for being ready to resolve our conflict sooner. You are really a good communicator! You can even give the person a small gift as a sign of your appreciation. By showing appreciation and respect for the other person, they will be more likely to listen to you in the future and resolve conflicts with you again. In your daily life, it is very common to deal with these disagreements and conflicts in any type of relationship; whether it is personal or professional matters; whether intimate or public. As a human being, there is no escape from them.
But you need to find ways to deal with these conflicts and disagreements. But often it is difficult to control or cope with them. Sometimes it is very easy to lose patience and sometimes you stay strong and do not give in to the situation. But sometimes the situation gets worse without realizing it and puts you in difficult situations. You have to learn to deal with any situation, and SeekingShalom will help you on your journey. When people are in conflict, it means that one or more of the participants in the conflict, often all of them, do not talk to each other. The feelings are so strong and the assumptions about the quid pro quo so strong that it is believed that the party cannot or does not want to hear. Often, in case of conflict, participants talk to everyone except the person concerned. The defining element of the conflict is that people do not talk to each other.
Conflict is a matter of form. Communication is based on assumptions, people go behind their backs to each other, and there is no desire to involve others in the meeting so that there is a common understanding. You can ensure that the conflict resolution and resolution process is as positive as possible by following these guidelines: Should you first meet with each colleague individually or together? Both approaches have advantages and disadvantages. The goal is to understand both their positions (which one claims and the other rejects) and their interests (why they make and reject the claims). What information do you need to get from future meetings? To resolve the conflict, you need to know from both people their positions (what everyone wants), their interests (why everyone takes that position, how the position reflects their needs) and their priorities (what is more and less important to everyone and why). Conflicts arise from large and small differences. This always happens when people disagree about their values, motivations, perceptions, ideas, or desires. Sometimes these differences seem trivial, but when a conflict triggers strong feelings, a deep personal need is often at the heart of the problem.
These needs can range from the need to feel safe or respected and appreciated, to the need for greater proximity and privacy. Before you open your mouth to disagree, ask yourself, “Is this really something worth discussing?” Sometimes we don`t even realize that what we`re discussing isn`t even that important to us anyway. If it is more important for you to express your opinion than to have a pleasant and easy time, then express your opinion. If it`s more important for you to have a good time than to have a debate or create a possible conflict, you may want to keep your opinion to yourself. A very simple part of managing a conflict is staying calm and listening. All you have to do is practice the “shut up and listen” technique. When practicing the previously mentioned gentle breathing exercise, be calm. Focus on your breathing and listen to what the other person has to say. Let the other person have the conversation. You don`t have to do all the work.
Just take a deep breath and listen. Know when to let go. If you are unable to reach an agreement, you agree not to accept. It takes two people for the argument to continue. .